mondays should just be called national damage control day
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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