i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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