I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
