I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
