the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
