she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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