Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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