This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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