dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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