Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
