I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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