This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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