just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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