I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
