just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
