i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
