She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
