Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
