wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
