drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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