Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize