there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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