upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize