We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
