but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All the doctor said was why
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
