hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found the puke drawer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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