the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
