All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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