So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
