just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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