My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
