I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
