it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
