WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
