Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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