Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
