how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize