Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
