Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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