she woke up with a sticky ear
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize