when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
