You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
