I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
