I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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