Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
