Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
