And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
