He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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