did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
