If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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