I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
