Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize