Define "chronic" masturbator.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
