Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
