Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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