No subtext here. People are naked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
