fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
