We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
