Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
