so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
