"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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