Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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