I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
