I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My feet surprised me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
