She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
