I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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