Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
