I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
