why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry about my life...
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