8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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